Grief Isn't Just About Death
- A Carter
- Jun 17
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 25
Understanding Loss in All Its Forms
When we hear the word grief, many of us immediately think of death — the passing of a loved one, the emotional pain of bereavement. But grief isn’t limited to death, it’s far broader, and more woven into our everyday lives than we might realise.
Grief comes when something or someone meaningful to us is lost. Throughout our lives, we experience many kinds of loss — some visible, others invisible — that can leave us reeling in similar ways to bereavement. It can start at a young age - maybe a school friend moved away, our parents separated or we moved home. All these changes bring loss and grief.
We're not particularly good as a society at understanding or recognising the grieving process, so our emotional responses may surprise and confuse us. In understanding our response to loss, we can better support ourselves.
We Experience Loss In Many Forms
Grief shows up in so many life experiences. Here are just a few:
Job Loss – Alongside the concern about finding a new job and financial worries, losing our job can impact us emotionally. Even if we didn't especially like the job we had, we can still mourn its loss. We may grieve:
the structure work gave us such as the Monday to Friday routine,
a reason to get our of bed,
the sense of purpose from having work to do,
feeling part of a wider team, a sense of community,
social interaction with our colleagues, be that in meetings, over zoom calls or chatting at the coffee machine,
our identity may have been strongly tied to our job,
financial security,
status that job gave us.
Relationship Breakdown or Divorce – We grieve not just the person, but the future we imagined, shared routines, companionship, emotional safety, intimacy, mutual friends, the home we had. Our feelings of trust and security can also be shaken and we may feel this loss deeply.
Loss of Health – A chronic illness or diagnosis like cancer can mean:
loss of trust in our bodies,
changes in how we look and feel,
changes in our appetite, what we can eat,
new routines,
reduced independence,
isolation from others,
financial concerns,
fears about the future.
Moving Home – Even when it's by choice, relocating can mean leaving behind familiar places, fond memories, a home we spent time caring for, a community we were part of, routines, and a sense of belonging. There's a reason it's considered one of the most stressful life events we go through.
Retirement – What’s often seen as a joyful milestone can also bring a loss of identity, structure, professional purpose, and peer connection. Many of the changes job loss can bring about also occur with retirement. It can be especially challenging when we do not have a clear idea of how we wish to spend our retirement.
Loss of a Pet – For many, the loss of a beloved animal companion is deeply painful and affects every part of daily life. Some describe it as being as emotionally painful as the death of a person because the love of a pet is unconditional and deeply felt.
Loss of Future Dreams – Infertility, a friendship breakup, a terminal illness, a loved one being diagnosed with dementia - these are all changes to life circumstances which can mean letting go of hopes we held dear.
These are all real losses. And real grief often follows.
How Grief Might Show Up
Grief doesn't look one specific way. It’s deeply personal and doesn’t follow a neat five-stage checklist. It ebbs and flows, it's unpredictable.
Some common emotional and physical signs include:
Sadness or tearfulness - maybe crying at something like a sentimental advert
Anger, frustration, or irritability - feeling inappropriate rage when someone jumps the queue at the supermarket
Numbness or emotional flatness - having no enthusiasm, feeling shutdown
Difficulty concentrating - tasks we would usually do easily are challenging, or maybe we are forgetting things, perhaps we can't concentrate on that book we're reading
Fatigue or low energy - lying on the sofa or being in bed feel like good places to be
Disrupted sleep or appetite
Feelings of isolation or being misunderstood
Sometimes people don’t even realise they’re grieving because what they've experienced isn't the death of a loved one. They just feel “off” or like they’re disorientated. The world feels wobbly and uncertain.
Why It Helps To Name Our Grief
We can start to understand ourselves better and treat ourselves with more compassion.
Grief doesn’t need to be “fixed.” One of the most empowering aspects my clients find in the work we do is that they:
feel seen, heard and understood.
Giving ourselves permission to grieve losses, be they big or small, validates our emotions and makes healing possible. There's no need to compare our grief to that of others - our grief is valid. If what you've lost mattered to you, and it’s gone, your feelings are real.
What Can Help When You’re Grieving
There’s no magic solution to make grief disappear — but there are things that can support you as you move through it:
Connect with Others
Grief can be isolating. Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, colleague, family member, coach, therapist, or support group can ease that loneliness. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Feel Your Feelings
Let yourself cry, write, shout, or sit in silence. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Give yourself permission to feel without judgment. I love this quote about embracing our emotional state:
“We all want to do something to mitigate the pain of loss or to turn grief into something positive, to find a silver lining in the clouds. But I believe there is real value in just standing there, being still, being sad.”--- John Green
Move Your Body
Exercise — even a short walk — can help shift emotional energy, boost your mood (especially if the walk is in nature), and reconnect you to the world around you. It can also help us tap into our emotional state as we connect with our bodies.
Get Outdoors
Time in nature can be incredibly grounding. Fresh air, green spaces, and natural light are soothing to a grieving nervous system. We can pause, remind ourselves of the wider world when our grief or sense of loss and confusion may be overwhelming.
Nourish Yourself
Try to eat well, stay hydrated and rest when you can. You don’t need to be perfect (that piece of cake may be just what you need). Just try to be kind to your body most of the time. Help your body to support you.
A Final Thought
Grief is a natural, human response to loss — any loss. You are not weak, broken, or overreacting. You are responding to the loss of something that mattered to you.
When we recognise grief in its many forms, we open the door to understanding our emotional pain. We can name it, and work through it.
Comments